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Briefly noted
Sep. 12th, 2006 | 06:18 pm
As you may have noticed, I haven't really updated in awhile. There's so much to say, that I could never do it justice, but here are a few highlights:
1. By far the biggest change is that I am now single (old news really). So far this has been good and bad, but mostly good I think. Sometimes it still feels like a weird dream.
2. School is as overwhelming as expected. I'm going to have to do a little better this year than I did last year. I don't think that's too much to ask.
3. I'm traveling a lot this semester. I'm going to Boston to visit Andy Z in a few weeks and then I'm going to Miami for a conference in November. I'm pumped.
4. I'm going to see Maya Angelou in about 15 minutes. She's speaking at a fundraiser for the Sickle Cell Disease Association and I just couldn't not go. I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers too, so I expect it to be an interesting night.
5. I never thought I would say this, but I love Mobile. It's growing on me. There's so much uniqueness to it once you get to exploring. I think it has a lot to do with item number one, since now there's no use in feeling like I really belong in Nashville (although I obviously still miss it). Also, we're at the hospital once a week (picture Blake in his professional white coat and a tie) which means we're in midtown every Tuesday. It's not really midtown; it's in a neighborhood called Crichton which is a low-income neighborhood that has more than it's fair share of problems. It also has more than it's fair share of grease and fried food. Today we ate at a diner that's been around for years (I had fried fish, fries, and turnip greens). It was amazing. oh . . . and there's now a great sushi restaurant downtown and all kinds of neat places that I didn't bother to find last year.
6. I had a great weekend in Tuscaloosa last weekend. QT with Skye, Sarah Louise, Matt, and family. It was all good.
I plan to update more often. I hope you are all doing well and that I get to catch up with many of you soon.
love,
blake
1. By far the biggest change is that I am now single (old news really). So far this has been good and bad, but mostly good I think. Sometimes it still feels like a weird dream.
2. School is as overwhelming as expected. I'm going to have to do a little better this year than I did last year. I don't think that's too much to ask.
3. I'm traveling a lot this semester. I'm going to Boston to visit Andy Z in a few weeks and then I'm going to Miami for a conference in November. I'm pumped.
4. I'm going to see Maya Angelou in about 15 minutes. She's speaking at a fundraiser for the Sickle Cell Disease Association and I just couldn't not go. I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of strangers too, so I expect it to be an interesting night.
5. I never thought I would say this, but I love Mobile. It's growing on me. There's so much uniqueness to it once you get to exploring. I think it has a lot to do with item number one, since now there's no use in feeling like I really belong in Nashville (although I obviously still miss it). Also, we're at the hospital once a week (picture Blake in his professional white coat and a tie) which means we're in midtown every Tuesday. It's not really midtown; it's in a neighborhood called Crichton which is a low-income neighborhood that has more than it's fair share of problems. It also has more than it's fair share of grease and fried food. Today we ate at a diner that's been around for years (I had fried fish, fries, and turnip greens). It was amazing. oh . . . and there's now a great sushi restaurant downtown and all kinds of neat places that I didn't bother to find last year.
6. I had a great weekend in Tuscaloosa last weekend. QT with Skye, Sarah Louise, Matt, and family. It was all good.
I plan to update more often. I hope you are all doing well and that I get to catch up with many of you soon.
love,
blake
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I think a change would do you good
Jul. 25th, 2006 | 09:30 pm
location: Chicago O'Hare
If you really could smell change, what would it smell like? copper, zinc, and sweaty hands.
I have a friend with no middle name who doesn’t really like this live journal thing. By the looks of it, I apparently don’t either since I haven’t updated since May. Perhaps it’s because I don’t feel like I have much to contribute. What could I possibly write that would contribute to your day? I’m just not sure I know how to make this five minutes worth your time.
I’m on my way home from an American Medical Student Assocation conference in D.C., and about thirty different things are on my mind. Here are a few:
It’s refreshing to be surrounded by people who are passionate about the things I am. I know that can’t always be the case, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for that to be more common than not. Unfortunately, it’s often difficult to find these people.
Two people on different occasions today asked me if I’m generally a happy person. My authentic response to this for the past two years has been “I think so, but I’m really not sure what it means to be happy in a general sense.” One of these friends followed up with a more practical question. “Name three times over the past three years when you felt genuinely happy.” It doesn’t sound like a hard question, but I really struggled with it for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden I started scrolling through various emotional highs over the past few years: gatherings at the Falkenslagens, Adam and our vacations in Italy and Seattle, Jenny making me laugh so hard I cried over things that probably weren’t that funny, reviving my friendship with Mandy, family dinners with Jennifer Adam and Brooxie, the realization that I am capable of becoming a physician, Andy visiting me in Mobile . . .
It should come as no surprise that almost all of the things that make me happy are based on relationships with people whom I love dearly. I know this isn’t news and that I’ve written about it plenty before, but somehow it always strikes me as revealing. It’s as if I were to look at myself in the proverbial mirror to say “You fool, if you’re not sure that you’re happy, go spend time with the people who make you happy.”
But then there’s Mobile – the isolated black hole of a city where I am separated from the people most important to me and consumed by the stress-ridden, anxiety-inducing curriculum of medical school. I’m going to be there for three more years, and it’s time that I really start to make it feel like home. It’s time that I start to build meaningful friendships that aren’t simply based in our ability to study Physiology together or our shared frustration with living in Mobile. Last year I arrived there with a sense of resentment only to have my self confidence slaughtered by my first Gross Anatomy test. This year will be different. . . I think I’m actually looking forward to it.
I look forward to the day I get to purchase airline tickets based on schedule rather than price. Instead of taking a direct one-hour flight from Dulles, VA to Nashville, I’m on a two-hour layover in Chicago that’s just been extended to a four-hour layover. Looks like I’m getting home at 12:30 a.m. Thank you, United Airlines.
I finally finished the Jesus book that Jenny and I were supposed to read over Lent (Meeting Jesus again for the first time , Marcus Borg). It’s a great book and it really helped me to form a better sense of my own Christology. I’ve moved on to David Sedaris’s Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I have no idea what the point is yet, but I really love the way he writes. It’s very clever.
So I get the sense that it’s time for some changes in my life. It might not be anything major – perhaps more of a change in attitude than anything else – perhaps something bigger. The rut must end.
I think I’m excited.
Much love to you all,
Blake
I have a friend with no middle name who doesn’t really like this live journal thing. By the looks of it, I apparently don’t either since I haven’t updated since May. Perhaps it’s because I don’t feel like I have much to contribute. What could I possibly write that would contribute to your day? I’m just not sure I know how to make this five minutes worth your time.
I’m on my way home from an American Medical Student Assocation conference in D.C., and about thirty different things are on my mind. Here are a few:
It’s refreshing to be surrounded by people who are passionate about the things I am. I know that can’t always be the case, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for that to be more common than not. Unfortunately, it’s often difficult to find these people.
Two people on different occasions today asked me if I’m generally a happy person. My authentic response to this for the past two years has been “I think so, but I’m really not sure what it means to be happy in a general sense.” One of these friends followed up with a more practical question. “Name three times over the past three years when you felt genuinely happy.” It doesn’t sound like a hard question, but I really struggled with it for a few minutes. Then all of a sudden I started scrolling through various emotional highs over the past few years: gatherings at the Falkenslagens, Adam and our vacations in Italy and Seattle, Jenny making me laugh so hard I cried over things that probably weren’t that funny, reviving my friendship with Mandy, family dinners with Jennifer Adam and Brooxie, the realization that I am capable of becoming a physician, Andy visiting me in Mobile . . .
It should come as no surprise that almost all of the things that make me happy are based on relationships with people whom I love dearly. I know this isn’t news and that I’ve written about it plenty before, but somehow it always strikes me as revealing. It’s as if I were to look at myself in the proverbial mirror to say “You fool, if you’re not sure that you’re happy, go spend time with the people who make you happy.”
But then there’s Mobile – the isolated black hole of a city where I am separated from the people most important to me and consumed by the stress-ridden, anxiety-inducing curriculum of medical school. I’m going to be there for three more years, and it’s time that I really start to make it feel like home. It’s time that I start to build meaningful friendships that aren’t simply based in our ability to study Physiology together or our shared frustration with living in Mobile. Last year I arrived there with a sense of resentment only to have my self confidence slaughtered by my first Gross Anatomy test. This year will be different. . . I think I’m actually looking forward to it.
I look forward to the day I get to purchase airline tickets based on schedule rather than price. Instead of taking a direct one-hour flight from Dulles, VA to Nashville, I’m on a two-hour layover in Chicago that’s just been extended to a four-hour layover. Looks like I’m getting home at 12:30 a.m. Thank you, United Airlines.
I finally finished the Jesus book that Jenny and I were supposed to read over Lent (Meeting Jesus again for the first time , Marcus Borg). It’s a great book and it really helped me to form a better sense of my own Christology. I’ve moved on to David Sedaris’s Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I have no idea what the point is yet, but I really love the way he writes. It’s very clever.
So I get the sense that it’s time for some changes in my life. It might not be anything major – perhaps more of a change in attitude than anything else – perhaps something bigger. The rut must end.
I think I’m excited.
Much love to you all,
Blake
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Viva NashVegas
May. 20th, 2006 | 03:47 pm
mood: 
content
music: Strange Bongo Java Background
LJ dormancy is hard to overcome. I’m gone for two weeks and when I come back everyone’s living in different places, changing jobs, and re-thinking their life goals. Speaking of living in different places, I’m back in Nashville for the summer. I’ve spent all day today doing as close to nothing as possible, and it’s great. It’s strange returning to a place that was once so familiar. It still is, but things change and move on even when you’re not there.
I’m glad that I got to quit my job here. I’m doing it again for the summer, and it’s about the most boring work I could possibly imagine.
So I’ve decided that everyone should come to Nashville. Think about it-- lots of us live here, Drew is playing in a great band at a fun bar, and Jenny has nothing else better to do, right? It’s at least worth considering.
I’ll be in Birmingham in two weeks for Andrew Zerbinopoulos’s graduation/moving-to-Boston party, and hopefully to also see Brett et al. (Jenny, Parker, etc.).
I hope everyone is having a pleasant summer.
-b
I’m glad that I got to quit my job here. I’m doing it again for the summer, and it’s about the most boring work I could possibly imagine.
So I’ve decided that everyone should come to Nashville. Think about it-- lots of us live here, Drew is playing in a great band at a fun bar, and Jenny has nothing else better to do, right? It’s at least worth considering.
I’ll be in Birmingham in two weeks for Andrew Zerbinopoulos’s graduation/moving-to-Boston party, and hopefully to also see Brett et al. (Jenny, Parker, etc.).
I hope everyone is having a pleasant summer.
-b
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Medical School
Apr. 28th, 2006 | 11:43 pm
mood: 
discontent
music: clock ticks
I hate that being successful in medical school requires that I sit at home on Friday night, alone but under the pressure of an external measure of ability that may or may not ultimately shape my future. Suddenly loneliness wins and not one mite of motivation remains to drag me back to my desk. Compromised Goals are dangerous for the transcript but necessary for the spirit.
2 more weeks.
Goodnight.
2 more weeks.
Goodnight.
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brainsoup entry
Apr. 19th, 2006 | 10:11 pm
location: Desk
mood: 
weird
music: Parker Purr
( I almost called a murderer today )
Ultimate Frisbee is the greatest sport in the world. I’ve started playing with some classmates of mine, and despite my remarkable un-athleticism, I still manage to do alright. Jennifer, I don’t know why we (or I) didn’t play more in Nashville. It’s such a great stress reliever. Anyone going to be in Nashvegas this summer that wants to play?
I only have 3 ½ weeks of school left, but I have about 5 tests within that time. That scares me.
Last week, I skipped class and Jenny and I went to Pensacola. I got sunburned, but it was totally worth it.
This is such an unthoughtful entry. My brain is mush.
Jesus is alive, and Lent is over, but I still haven’t eaten meat. At first, giving up meat was really frustrating—more of a nuisance than anything else. Then I really started missing it and counting down the days until Easter. Then, all of a sudden, I didn’t miss it at all. I’m not sure that I’ll keep this vegetarian thing up for long, but I am trying to decide how I feel about the way animals are processed in this crazy consumer culture we cohabit. Sometimes alliteration is pointless, especially if the words you choose don’t make any sense.
Speaking of Lent, Jenny and I failed to follow through with our book reading and Pow-Wow time. I’m designating it as summer reading.
It’s funny when parker gives my arm a cat bath. I wonder if he thinks I’m dirty or he’s just confused.
Ultimate Frisbee is the greatest sport in the world. I’ve started playing with some classmates of mine, and despite my remarkable un-athleticism, I still manage to do alright. Jennifer, I don’t know why we (or I) didn’t play more in Nashville. It’s such a great stress reliever. Anyone going to be in Nashvegas this summer that wants to play?
I only have 3 ½ weeks of school left, but I have about 5 tests within that time. That scares me.
Last week, I skipped class and Jenny and I went to Pensacola. I got sunburned, but it was totally worth it.
This is such an unthoughtful entry. My brain is mush.
Jesus is alive, and Lent is over, but I still haven’t eaten meat. At first, giving up meat was really frustrating—more of a nuisance than anything else. Then I really started missing it and counting down the days until Easter. Then, all of a sudden, I didn’t miss it at all. I’m not sure that I’ll keep this vegetarian thing up for long, but I am trying to decide how I feel about the way animals are processed in this crazy consumer culture we cohabit. Sometimes alliteration is pointless, especially if the words you choose don’t make any sense.
Speaking of Lent, Jenny and I failed to follow through with our book reading and Pow-Wow time. I’m designating it as summer reading.
It’s funny when parker gives my arm a cat bath. I wonder if he thinks I’m dirty or he’s just confused.
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Hello
Apr. 11th, 2006 | 01:03 pm
location: Class
mood: optimistic
music: Boring Lecture on beinga compassionate physician
Hi Friends. I have not read or updated LJ in over a month now. School has swallowed me into a deep dark hole. Fortunately, I have just kicked butt on a test, so I'll be rewarding myself by reading about your lives, which I am sure are much more eventful and exciting than mine.
Be Well,
Blake
Be Well,
Blake
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Tradition catch-up
Mar. 8th, 2006 | 12:51 am
There’s a family in Birmingham (with whom I was once acquainted) that has three little girls. Every night before dinner all 5 family members light a candle and say one thing for the day that they’re glad about. They call this ritual their “tradition.” If you’re a dinner guest you too get to participate in the tradition.
I think it’s a good idea. Since we’re now 8 days into Lent, I’m going to write 8 things that I’m glad about.
Ok, I’d better get some rest. It’s an early day tomorrow.
Goodnight
I think it’s a good idea. Since we’re now 8 days into Lent, I’m going to write 8 things that I’m glad about.
- My mother sent me Girl Scout cookies. Samoas are my favorite.
- I now have the rest the third season of West Wing on DVD.
- Today was a test day (a very unhappy thing), but I got to have Mexican for lunch, homemade pizzas for dinner, and then watch movies with friends instead of studying.
- The weather here has been amazing - upper 70’s with clear skies.
- Spring break is next week which means family time and Adam time - separate of course.
- Parker makes me smile a lot. He’s chasing his tail at the moment.
- I have lots of friends doing amazing things. I can’t go into it right now, but it makes me proud to see how the people I’ve come to know and love over the years are living out their lives.
- Reading about non-school stuff, namely the books Jenny and I are reading for Lent.
Ok, I’d better get some rest. It’s an early day tomorrow.
Goodnight
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Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time
Feb. 28th, 2006 | 10:50 pm
mood: calm
". . . I went off to seminary. That didn't help."
I laughed out loud when I read those words because it's exactly how I felt about my divinity education. I'm only 20 pages into the book, but I think I like it. If you're thinking about going to seminary, Marcus Borg provides a fairly accurate and concise description of his/my experience in the first 13 or so pages.
They say that the first part of divinity school is the breaking down of your belief system. I was pretty sure that mine was already broken down before I entered, and that all I had left to do was rebuild. Unfortunately, I never got around to rebuilding the way I thought I would. I think I’m just now getting to that point, and it feels nice. (Note: This shouldn’t deter anyone away from Vanderbilt Divinity School. It just means you shouldn’t work full-time while there because the hours of personal study and reflection are more valuable than the immediate reward of financial independence. Unfortunately, my circumstances were slightly less than favorable). The book is less that 140 pages. You can read the first 6 pages of it here.
Ok. I can’t seem to write very much without interruption. Happy Mardi Gras everyone!!
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Catching a firefly, setting him free
Feb. 27th, 2006 | 10:09 pm
mood: indescribable
How do you tell whether or not you're happy? Is it something you just know, or is it something you should step back and evaluate? If it's the former, then the answer for me is not so much. If it's the latter, then I'm still not sure. Maybe it's just the abrupt conclusion of a good weekend with Adam or the daunting Histology book that I'm going to have to read or some other un-fun thing that’s keeping me down lately. I'm just not sure. I can’t seem to put my finger on it.
Happiness is morning and evening, day time and night time too.
For happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you.
It just seems so darn hard to find these days. But enough gloom.
Well almost. Ash Wednesday service is one of my favorites, and it’s kinda gloomy too. I’m not sure why it’s my favorite. It always strikes me as odd that the lectionary takes us to Matthew with "And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others,” and then we walk around the rest of the day with black crosses on our foreheads. I mean really. – not that I think this is an important issue, just one that strikes me as odd.
Jenny and I are reading at least one book for lent. It’s about Jesus, and I’m excited.
I set my little tomato plants outside yesterday, but I left them out too long and the rain battered them. They look so sad and limp. I don’t think they’re going to recover.
Ok, I must either decide to watch a movie or study. Hmmm. I think movie.
P.S. There's all this stuff I keep leaving out in these things. You probably don't care, but I haven't told you about the random trip to Birmingham to see old friends or my first Mobile Mardi Gras, or Parker's new trick. I'm going to have to write more often to fit it all in.
Happiness is morning and evening, day time and night time too.
For happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you.
It just seems so darn hard to find these days. But enough gloom.
Well almost. Ash Wednesday service is one of my favorites, and it’s kinda gloomy too. I’m not sure why it’s my favorite. It always strikes me as odd that the lectionary takes us to Matthew with "And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others,” and then we walk around the rest of the day with black crosses on our foreheads. I mean really. – not that I think this is an important issue, just one that strikes me as odd.
Jenny and I are reading at least one book for lent. It’s about Jesus, and I’m excited.
I set my little tomato plants outside yesterday, but I left them out too long and the rain battered them. They look so sad and limp. I don’t think they’re going to recover.
Ok, I must either decide to watch a movie or study. Hmmm. I think movie.
P.S. There's all this stuff I keep leaving out in these things. You probably don't care, but I haven't told you about the random trip to Birmingham to see old friends or my first Mobile Mardi Gras, or Parker's new trick. I'm going to have to write more often to fit it all in.
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(no subject)
Feb. 23rd, 2006 | 01:56 pm
I LOVE grapes!!
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St. Theresa's Prayer
Feb. 21st, 2006 | 09:23 pm
I have so much to tell you, but you probably wouldn't find it very interesting, and I don't have the energy to write.
It's been a good couple of days. I hope you are all having good days too.
I'll leave you with this:
St. Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are
meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born
of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on
the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are
a child of God. Let his presence settle into our bones, and allow your
soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each
and every one of you
For some reason that prayer's helping me a lot right now. I think I'll tape it to my bathroom mirror for awhile.
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(no subject)
Feb. 15th, 2006 | 12:07 am
mood: worried
I have a quiz tomorrow, another on Thursday, and a test on Monday, so I may not be writing very soon. Just in case, here are some things I would write about:
Don't lie. I know you can't wait.
OH, and Happy Birthday, Baby Baby!!
- Social Learning Theory and my nephews
- Myers-Brigg and personality type changes
- My thoughts on Sin
- 1-800-555-TELL
- Nashville
- Lying to people you love
- Possible readings for Lent
- My tomato plants
- That might be all for now
Don't lie. I know you can't wait.
OH, and Happy Birthday, Baby Baby!!
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Passion
Feb. 7th, 2006 | 01:53 pm
mood: 
contemplative
music: Clinical Medicine Lecture
Last week a really conservative friend of mine asked me why most people our age tend to be liberal/Democratic. She really felt that she was uninformed about why so many of us are anti-Republican. The answer that day was easy as just that morning the House had approved budget cutbacks on student loans, Medicaid, and education programs. It isn’t hard to predict the results of such cuts: Fewer people will be eligible for Medicaid leaving more of our neighbors without quality healthcare. Those who would rely on student loans to pay for college will either have to find some other source of funding or just not go to college. Students in public schools which are already struggling for adequate funding will once again be denied the quality of education they deserve. The cuts supported by the Republican party cut aid to the poorest of the poor – those who rely on government to provide the services and opportunities that I have been blessed to have all along. The bottom line, Republicans support those who already have money, Democrats support those without money.
I know that you can’t reduce these opposing political ideologies to such a simplified statement, but please feel free to rebut my assessment if you have evidence to suggest that I’m completely off base.
The point of this isn’t to spark a political conversation. I mention it only because it gave me a little bit of insight on my recent lack of passion. Two years ago I was caught up in a struggle of finding my role of doing good in the world. I think it was probably a product of my experience at BSC. All that service-learning stuff was more than just extra-curricular. I was compelled to do it, not just because I thought it was the right thing to do, but because I felt that I had the heart and the ability to really work toward justice in the world. It wasn’t supposed to be a peripheral aspect of my life but at its center. I really took to heat Fredrick Buechner’s words that "Vocation is where your deepest joy and the world's deepest need meet." It was a calling rooted in my humanity but more importantly in my faith. I think that might be the kicker.
Faith has become sort of periphery for me. I’m not entirely sure why. You would think that going to divinity school would only make faith or religion a more important part of my life, and in some ways I guess it has. The importance of acceptance in community, the respect for ritual and tradition, - the list goes on and on. But for some reason I feel a bit jaded by the church. At ‘Southern I had weekly doses of Stewart and/or Brian supplemented by random visits with Kristin and an occasional visit to camp. In Nashville, I had an overdose of academic analysis of the church with an occasional refreshing sermon by Stacy at the progressive Presbyterian church Adam and I attended. What I’m left with is an extremely liberal perspective of the gospel that conjures up feelings of disappointment, cynicism, and frustration with nearly every church I visit. It’s hard to nourish faith when you’re not in a community that shares, in some way, your perspective of Christianity. Where are those who want to devote their lives to the least of these? How do we manage to live out this calling with such mediocrity?
I’m not trying to toot my own horn by any means. I think my frustration at the church is more likely misdirected frustration with my own mediocrity. What have I done for anyone else lately? Very little. Why aren’t I living out my calling as an agent for change?
Duh – Blake! You’re in medical school.
But where is that passion you once had to commit your life to service?
I don’t know. It’s faded I guess.
Don’t you still want to make a difference? Provide healthcare for those who would otherwise receive none?
Yeah, I guess so, but the idea doesn’t excite me like it used to.
Why not?
I have no idea. I’m just not passionate about it anymore.
I’m really struggling with this, and I’m not sure what’s brought it on. Is it because I’m no longer centered in the religious calling I once felt? Maybe, maybe not. This brings me to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – or at least my take on it. I’ve never had a psychology course, but I think the idea is that an individual has to have certain physiological and social needs met before he or she reaches some point of self-actualization. I think maybe one has to have certain needs met before he or she is able to take on some commitment to social justice – faith driven or otherwise – especially if it involves self sacrifice. Perhaps it is the burden of medical school, the stress of a long distance relationship and the anxiety of a tense relationship with my parents that hinders my self-actualization and with it my passion.
I know that you can’t reduce these opposing political ideologies to such a simplified statement, but please feel free to rebut my assessment if you have evidence to suggest that I’m completely off base.
The point of this isn’t to spark a political conversation. I mention it only because it gave me a little bit of insight on my recent lack of passion. Two years ago I was caught up in a struggle of finding my role of doing good in the world. I think it was probably a product of my experience at BSC. All that service-learning stuff was more than just extra-curricular. I was compelled to do it, not just because I thought it was the right thing to do, but because I felt that I had the heart and the ability to really work toward justice in the world. It wasn’t supposed to be a peripheral aspect of my life but at its center. I really took to heat Fredrick Buechner’s words that "Vocation is where your deepest joy and the world's deepest need meet." It was a calling rooted in my humanity but more importantly in my faith. I think that might be the kicker.
Faith has become sort of periphery for me. I’m not entirely sure why. You would think that going to divinity school would only make faith or religion a more important part of my life, and in some ways I guess it has. The importance of acceptance in community, the respect for ritual and tradition, - the list goes on and on. But for some reason I feel a bit jaded by the church. At ‘Southern I had weekly doses of Stewart and/or Brian supplemented by random visits with Kristin and an occasional visit to camp. In Nashville, I had an overdose of academic analysis of the church with an occasional refreshing sermon by Stacy at the progressive Presbyterian church Adam and I attended. What I’m left with is an extremely liberal perspective of the gospel that conjures up feelings of disappointment, cynicism, and frustration with nearly every church I visit. It’s hard to nourish faith when you’re not in a community that shares, in some way, your perspective of Christianity. Where are those who want to devote their lives to the least of these? How do we manage to live out this calling with such mediocrity?
I’m not trying to toot my own horn by any means. I think my frustration at the church is more likely misdirected frustration with my own mediocrity. What have I done for anyone else lately? Very little. Why aren’t I living out my calling as an agent for change?
Duh – Blake! You’re in medical school.
But where is that passion you once had to commit your life to service?
I don’t know. It’s faded I guess.
Don’t you still want to make a difference? Provide healthcare for those who would otherwise receive none?
Yeah, I guess so, but the idea doesn’t excite me like it used to.
Why not?
I have no idea. I’m just not passionate about it anymore.
I’m really struggling with this, and I’m not sure what’s brought it on. Is it because I’m no longer centered in the religious calling I once felt? Maybe, maybe not. This brings me to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – or at least my take on it. I’ve never had a psychology course, but I think the idea is that an individual has to have certain physiological and social needs met before he or she reaches some point of self-actualization. I think maybe one has to have certain needs met before he or she is able to take on some commitment to social justice – faith driven or otherwise – especially if it involves self sacrifice. Perhaps it is the burden of medical school, the stress of a long distance relationship and the anxiety of a tense relationship with my parents that hinders my self-actualization and with it my passion.
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(no subject)
Feb. 5th, 2006 | 01:19 pm
mood: calm
It’s funny the connections we have through livejournal. I assume most of you have already worked through this, but for me it still seems strange. It’s not hard to see that most, if not all, of my friends on this website are so because of some connection to camp. I guess the strange part about that is that I’m not sure all of us have been there together. I mean, I haven’t been to camp in over two years—something I never would have imagined happening, at least not yet. As I read my friends page, I see people who are doing things I’ve done – working a camp weekend – living at BSC – applying to divinity school . . . I can’t help but reminisce a little.
I’m finally branching out and finding more interesting places in Mobile. Last week I found a unique little Italian restaurant with live jazz. There’s also a Gulf Coast/Mediterranean/Asian fusion restaurant called NoJa that I’m excited about trying. I’m also joining a group called ArtBreakers which keeps you up to date on Mobile’s apparently thriving arts community. Who knew?!?! They get special deals on shows and gallery openings, behind-the-scenes tours of the opera, etc. I found out about it at the Burlesqe show I went to Friday night. It was amazing.
Last night was the medical school Caduceus ball – a lot like medical school prom. I had a lot of fun. I went with a girl named Catherine since both of our boyfriends were unavailable. She’s a hoot. I sit by her in class and she makes me laugh every day. I think she was probably the life of the party- dancing around barefoot and all.
Have I mentioned that I’m going up to Nashville next weekend? I’m excited.
I’m finally branching out and finding more interesting places in Mobile. Last week I found a unique little Italian restaurant with live jazz. There’s also a Gulf Coast/Mediterranean/Asian fusion restaurant called NoJa that I’m excited about trying. I’m also joining a group called ArtBreakers which keeps you up to date on Mobile’s apparently thriving arts community. Who knew?!?! They get special deals on shows and gallery openings, behind-the-scenes tours of the opera, etc. I found out about it at the Burlesqe show I went to Friday night. It was amazing.
Last night was the medical school Caduceus ball – a lot like medical school prom. I had a lot of fun. I went with a girl named Catherine since both of our boyfriends were unavailable. She’s a hoot. I sit by her in class and she makes me laugh every day. I think she was probably the life of the party- dancing around barefoot and all.
Have I mentioned that I’m going up to Nashville next weekend? I’m excited.
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I'm Growing a Garden
Jan. 31st, 2006 | 04:01 pm
It’s not so much a garden as a couple of pots, one with several short sprigs of tomato plants. I’ve never grown anything from a seed before, but I’m excited to see how it turns out. I have a pot for tomatoes and one for strawberries (which unfortunately haven’t made any notable progress). At some point I’m supposed to re-plant them, but I think I threw away the directions that came with the seeds.
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Sunday morning Ramblings
Jan. 29th, 2006 | 11:25 am
mood: 
apathetic
Andy Z. pointed out that I haven't written an LJ entry in a while, and I think he's right. It's way overdue. The only problem is that I have a test tomorrow. I’ve spent the entire weekend studying, and it’s boring. The good news is that I think I can read an ECG now.
You know when you have those moments in the day where you think, “hey, I should write about this in my LJ!” ? I have them occasionally, but then as soon as I sit down to Semagic I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Anyway, a few days ago Mary wrote about how what we write is often colored by our readers – what we want to say - what we’re careful not to say. It’s funny that she wrote that because I had been struggling with whether or not to write about my experience at church last weekend. I mean to do that would require unpacking all these loads of theological torment that I’ve built up over the last couple of years just to explain where I’m coming from. Anyway, it was my second experience at a Unitarian Universalist Church. I don’t really consider myself a UU by any means, I just thought it would be interesting to visit.
I can’t write about all that stuff now because Physiology is hanging over my head. What I can say is that this church has really good signs. You know the signs you often see that say “Seven Days Without Church Makes One Weak” or “God Answers Knee-Mail”. It’s like that, only it says stuff like, well . . . D**** IT!!! I can’t think of them right now, but they’re things about thinking or “Tired of squirming in your pew, try ours” or . .. . I can’t remember (This is where Brett would say “Good Story.”) The point is that the church allows you to think for yourself. You’ve got Christians, Buddhists, Agnostics, and an assortment of tree-huggers all together celebrating life and singing some of the same songs that we have in the old Sumatanga song books. I’d use the term worship, but I don’t think it’s quite that; although for some of them it is. Anyway, I won’t go into the whole experience, but it was interesting.
OK, this was supposed to be a really short entry because I’m supposed to be studying. Wish me luck!
You know when you have those moments in the day where you think, “hey, I should write about this in my LJ!” ? I have them occasionally, but then as soon as I sit down to Semagic I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Anyway, a few days ago Mary wrote about how what we write is often colored by our readers – what we want to say - what we’re careful not to say. It’s funny that she wrote that because I had been struggling with whether or not to write about my experience at church last weekend. I mean to do that would require unpacking all these loads of theological torment that I’ve built up over the last couple of years just to explain where I’m coming from. Anyway, it was my second experience at a Unitarian Universalist Church. I don’t really consider myself a UU by any means, I just thought it would be interesting to visit.
I can’t write about all that stuff now because Physiology is hanging over my head. What I can say is that this church has really good signs. You know the signs you often see that say “Seven Days Without Church Makes One Weak” or “God Answers Knee-Mail”. It’s like that, only it says stuff like, well . . . D**** IT!!! I can’t think of them right now, but they’re things about thinking or “Tired of squirming in your pew, try ours” or . .. . I can’t remember (This is where Brett would say “Good Story.”) The point is that the church allows you to think for yourself. You’ve got Christians, Buddhists, Agnostics, and an assortment of tree-huggers all together celebrating life and singing some of the same songs that we have in the old Sumatanga song books. I’d use the term worship, but I don’t think it’s quite that; although for some of them it is. Anyway, I won’t go into the whole experience, but it was interesting.
OK, this was supposed to be a really short entry because I’m supposed to be studying. Wish me luck!
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. . . hate the suject line
Jan. 19th, 2006 | 10:42 pm
I'm getting a cough. Jenny might be getting one too. Otherwise I feel pretty good.
For all those worried, I had a decent night's sleep last night. I still woke up around 5:30, but no weird dreams this time. I'm trying to get into a better sleeping rhythm anyway. Speaking of rhythm, I have a new gym schedule, courtesy of the Men's Health Hard Body Plan. Not that I think I need a hard body or that I expect to get one. I just have no idea what I’m doing at the gym . . . all those poles and weights and strong people intimidate me. Now I can read up on what I’m supposed to do, and then go do it. I’m determined.
I went to the dentist yesterday. I just picked one that was close to the house, but I think it might be the best dentist’s office I’ve ever been too (not that I’ve been to very many). They gave me a warm neck pillow, and they had a waterfall in the room with me. Sharp tools and gag reflex aside, it was like going to a spa.
For all those worried, I had a decent night's sleep last night. I still woke up around 5:30, but no weird dreams this time. I'm trying to get into a better sleeping rhythm anyway. Speaking of rhythm, I have a new gym schedule, courtesy of the Men's Health Hard Body Plan. Not that I think I need a hard body or that I expect to get one. I just have no idea what I’m doing at the gym . . . all those poles and weights and strong people intimidate me. Now I can read up on what I’m supposed to do, and then go do it. I’m determined.
I went to the dentist yesterday. I just picked one that was close to the house, but I think it might be the best dentist’s office I’ve ever been too (not that I’ve been to very many). They gave me a warm neck pillow, and they had a waterfall in the room with me. Sharp tools and gag reflex aside, it was like going to a spa.
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Happly Birthday MLK Jr.!
Jan. 16th, 2006 | 05:46 pm
mood: weird
Last night was really crazy, and I'll leave it at that for now. Let me just say that I love my roomate, and I'm not sure what I would do without her. Today has involved quite a bit of recovery for both of us and not the diligent studying I had hoped for.
I'm making an executive decision that I can end sentences with prepositions. There is a legend that Winston Churchill shared my disdain this silly rule: "Madame, that is a rule up with which I shall not put." I think he was on to something.
At any rate, today marks the second day in a row that I have seen 5:00PM while still in my pajama pants. These days are typically rare, and although unproductive, I kinda like them (headache aside).
My friend Brett Hodges. posted a reply to yesterday's entry (which I also posted on myspace) with a bit of dream interpretation for me. I'm beginning to wonder why I've been having so many dreams lately. I'm not sure how I feel about dreams or about our attempts to figure out what they mean. Obviously there is something going on in my head, but I'm skeptical about trying to extract meaning from something my brain already created. Jenny says dream interpretation stuff is mostly Freudian BS. Still, the subconscious ought not to be taken too lightly. Any ideas?
School is about to get difficult again. I have a quiz this week and then tests the next two. I want to be a doctor because I like the people side of it. Little did I know that I would be required to know so many little details about our bodies.
I'm making an executive decision that I can end sentences with prepositions. There is a legend that Winston Churchill shared my disdain this silly rule: "Madame, that is a rule up with which I shall not put." I think he was on to something.
At any rate, today marks the second day in a row that I have seen 5:00PM while still in my pajama pants. These days are typically rare, and although unproductive, I kinda like them (headache aside).
My friend Brett Hodges. posted a reply to yesterday's entry (which I also posted on myspace) with a bit of dream interpretation for me. I'm beginning to wonder why I've been having so many dreams lately. I'm not sure how I feel about dreams or about our attempts to figure out what they mean. Obviously there is something going on in my head, but I'm skeptical about trying to extract meaning from something my brain already created. Jenny says dream interpretation stuff is mostly Freudian BS. Still, the subconscious ought not to be taken too lightly. Any ideas?
School is about to get difficult again. I have a quiz this week and then tests the next two. I want to be a doctor because I like the people side of it. Little did I know that I would be required to know so many little details about our bodies.
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Numero Uno
Jan. 15th, 2006 | 10:54 am
mood: complacent
music: microwave oatmeal and whining cat
Ok, so I know you’ve all been anxiously awaiting this, right? Well, you can pretend you have. That would make me feel good
I don’t know if I should drone on about the reasons why I think I should do this or just pick up right where I am in life and start writing about it. I think I’ll do the latter.
I’ve been having weird dreams lately. I typically don’t remember my dreams, nor do I usually wake up before my alarm clock. However, since I’ve been back in
Weird dreams aside, everything seems to be ok. Of course I’m behind in school, but when have I ever been caught up with such things?
Other things important:
- Netflix rocks
- Histology and Physiology do not
- I’ve resolved to be more social with my classmates
- Currently reading Jame’s Frey’s A Million Little Pieces and I like it.
- Did you know you can buy milk that doesn’t have to be refrigerated until you open it? No, it’s not soy milk or rice milk, it’s real milk. CRAZY!!!
- I think I have my first cavity. Check back after my dentist appointment next week to find out (Oh, the SUSPENSE!!!!!)
- I might have a sinus infection
Tonight, is our MLK Jr. Birthday party. Here’s the evite that Jenny and I wrote:
How often do you get to party on a Sunday night?? Thanks to Martin, we have the opportunity at least once a year. Out of respect and appreciation, it's our duty to celebrate.
We thought about getting some 40s from over in
After dinner, we'll continue the celebration downtown. If you can't come to dinner, join us after. Or just come to dinner. Whatever you want.
Oh, and feel free to send this evite to whomever or bring people with you.
Yeah, I’m not sure how this is going to go. Of course, you are all invited. Hope you can make it.
-blake
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ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!!
Jan. 8th, 2006 | 11:43 pm
OK, so I finally broke down and set up this LJ account. Don't worry, there won't be much showing up from me on your friends page just yet. Expect my first entry sometime next week. It's a long weekend, and Jenny, Parker, and I have resolved to stay put and have our own MLK Jr party.